I’m feeling antsy. I want to do big, exciting, wonderful things. I want to stretch and grow and live. But I don’t know where to start. I don’t know which choices are the right ones to make, which options I should prioritise and which I should leave for another time. I want this but I also want that and I don’t see a way to have both at the same time.
I’m missing Mexico but I’m loving being back in New Zealand. I’m wishing we were still traveling but I’m relishing the comforts of having a home, a kitchen, a double bed. I want to start my career but I also want to start a family. I want to go camping every weekend but I need to work and earn some money. I want to live a slow life but there’s so much I want to get done.
I want to be an anthropologist, a writer, a photographer, a videographer, a cook, a mother.
I want to stay and I want to go.
I want to be me and I want to be someone else.
I’m feeling restless as if I have an invisible itch that I can’t find to scratch. I’m indecisive and quiet, withdrawing into myself to try find the answers that continue to elude me.
I need chocolate, and more coffee. Always more coffee.